I wish I could teleport
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
