I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
