He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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