just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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