I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
