But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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