it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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