Pappa wants mamma naked
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
