Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
