dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
her facebook's as public as her vagina
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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