What did we do last night that was yellow?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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