When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
