I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
