I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
