Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Randomize