Apparently you make a good broom.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
