we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
