He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
