would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
