What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
