Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
