Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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