is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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