I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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