THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
