Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
