Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
