If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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