so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
