My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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