fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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