Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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