Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize