He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
