Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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