Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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