i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize