You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
