I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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