Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize