After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
