why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
