i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
