WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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