This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
