Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
