i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
then he tried to convert me to islam
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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