I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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