I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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