Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord

Fav 15 4124 1478
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(510): View more from California

i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.

Fav 33 2292 5852
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.

Fav 26 13591 1717
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(606): View more from Kentucky

Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..

Fav 13 3748 1351
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(757): View more from Virginia

1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat

Fav 3 1336 3487
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(404): View more from Georgia

i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.

Fav 4 3756 1651
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress

Fav 6 2280 1063
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(913): View more from Kansas

I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis

Fav 2 707 467
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(678): View more from Georgia

just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.

Fav 0 66 43
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