Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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