can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
