I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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