So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
