I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
