I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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