I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
