Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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