Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
