That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
