omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
did you just send me my own nude
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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