Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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