I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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