Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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