i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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