Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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