Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
