laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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