I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize