did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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