shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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