**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
