I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
