She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
